'Pet Peeves' by Emilie Lamplough
Posted by sregan | Filed under poetry
'Pet Peeves'
When the radio won't tell you who sang that song?
When you had that pen in your hand only a second ago but now can't find it?
When restaurants refill Heinz bottles with cheaper sauce?
When you grow an afro and people call you "Cabbage Head"?
When the seat at the bus shelter is wet after rain?
When co-workers wear flip-flops to the office?
When you rub on hand cream and can't turn the doorknob to get out?
When the checkout woman packs the bananas together with cold things?
When people put a cross over an 'i' in place of the dot?
When you have to inform five different sales assistants that no, you're just browsing?
When you open a can of soup and the lid falls in?
When thin people ask if they're fat?
(When fat people ask if they're fat?)
When your friend explains that the orange juice is veggie-friendly?
When the petrol price rises not falls?
When supermarkets wrap water melons in clingfilm?
When Shakespeare is on the book list?
When the phone rings but the cat's curled asleep on your lap?
When that man at the front just won't stop cracking his knuckles?
When celebrities give their children such God-awful names?
When there's butter in the marmalade jar?
When application forms want to know all those things that you can't remember?
When people slam hotel doors at seven a.m?
...again and again
and again.
- Emilie Lamplough
